When Desire Says, “I Deserve This”

We live in a culture that constantly tells us to follow our desires.

“You owe it to yourself.”

“Put yourself first.”

“Do what makes you happy.”

“Follow your heart.”

“Live your truth.”

These messages can sound harmless. But they become dangerous when our feelings and desires become the final authority over how we live.

The Seventh Commandment says, “You shall not commit adultery.”

At first glance, the commandment may seem straightforward. If you aren't having an affair, you might assume you're doing just fine.

But Jesus takes the commandment deeper. The issue isn't simply what we do with our bodies. It's what we allow our desires to do within our hearts.

God isn't simply giving us a rule about adultery. He is forming us into people who can live faithfully, keep our promises, and experience freedom from being controlled by every desire.

The Deeper Problem: “I Am Owed Something”

The sermon begins with the story of a couple dealing with the aftermath of an affair. The husband tried to explain why he had been unfaithful. Beneath his explanation was a belief that he deserved something he wasn't currently receiving. He wanted to feel wanted, alive, and chosen again.

That belief can take many forms:

• “I deserve to feel alive again.”
• “I deserve more from my marriage.”
• “I deserve the career I wanted.”
• “I deserve the life I imagined.”
• “I've waited long enough.”
• “I've put in my time.”

The circumstances may differ, but the underlying message is the same: I am owed something.

And when we believe we're owed something, it's easy to begin justifying choices that break our promises. The temptation doesn't usually begin with the thought, “I want to sin.” It begins with something that sounds much more reasonable: “I deserve this.”

Our Culture Teaches Us to Put Desire First

We live surrounded by messages encouraging us to prioritize ourselves and these ideas can encourage healthy self-awareness. Our feelings matter, and we shouldn't simply ignore what is happening inside us.

But feelings are not always reliable guides for how we should live. Feelings change. Desires change.

What makes us happy today may not make us happy tomorrow.

A promise is different.

A promise is designed to survive the days when our feelings aren't cooperating. That's what makes a covenant different from simply following our emotions.

Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Contract

The Seventh Commandment is specifically concerned with adultery within the context of marriage. That points us toward an important biblical concept: covenant faithfulness.

A contract essentially says: I'll keep my part of the deal as long as you keep yours.

A covenant says: I have made you a promise.

And a promise is intended to hold even when feelings change.

Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman made before God and sustained by God's grace. It calls two people to practice lifelong faithfulness with their whole selves—emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

God cares deeply about the Seventh Commandment because He is protecting something He created to be good. Marriage is meant to be a covenant that blesses the world.

God Created Marriage to Reflect His Faithfulness

The biblical understanding of marriage begins before the Seventh Commandment.

It goes all the way back to Genesis.

God created humanity in His image, male and female. Then, in Genesis 2, God declares that it isn't good for the man to be alone. He creates woman as a corresponding partner, and Scripture describes the two becoming “one flesh.”

Before God ever said, “You shall not commit adultery,” He had already created something worth protecting.

Marriage is more than a relationship arrangement. It is a picture of God's own covenant faithfulness.

When husbands and wives keep their promises, forgive one another, love through difficult seasons, and remain faithful when loving isn't easy, their relationship bears witness to the faithfulness of God.

God keeps His promises. He remains faithful.

Christian marriage is intended to reflect that faithfulness.

Jesus Takes Faithfulness into the Heart

Jesus takes the Seventh Commandment deeper.

In Matthew 5, Jesus teaches that lustful looking is already a matter of the heart. Why?

Because adultery doesn't begin with adultery. It begins when noticing becomes lingering. When looking becomes imagining. When another person stops being seen as someone created in the image of God and becomes an object for personal gratification.

Jesus is teaching us to examine not only our actions, but also what we allow our desires to do to other people in our hearts.

And this applies to everyone—not just married people.

Whether you're married, single, divorced, widowed, dating, or a teenager, Jesus is forming you into a person who learns to see others as people made in God's image rather than objects for personal gratification.

Create Distance from Temptation

Jesus uses intentionally extreme language when He talks about removing whatever causes us to sin.

The point isn't that Jesus literally expects His followers to harm themselves. His language emphasizes the seriousness of sin.

We shouldn't casually nurture temptation or keep it close enough to gradually take control of us. Instead, we need to pay attention to what we're allowing into our minds and hearts.

Ask yourself:

• What am I looking at?
• What am I watching?
• What fantasies am I entertaining?
• What desires am I nurturing?
• What relationships am I allowing to become something they shouldn't?
• Where am I telling myself, “I deserve this”?

The goal isn't simply to avoid having an affair, it is to become a person whose desires are increasingly shaped by God.

Don't Wait Until the Damage Is Done

If you're struggling with temptation, secrecy, pornography, an inappropriate relationship, or another situation that is moving in a dangerous direction, bring it into the light.

Tell someone. Reach out to a trusted friend. Ask for help.

Don't allow something hidden to grow until it causes greater damage.

And if adultery has already happened, the sermon offers a message of hope.

A marriage doesn't necessarily have to end. Healing is possible. Forgiveness is possible. Trust can be rebuilt.

But rebuilding requires truth, genuine repentance, and a willingness to rebuild the relationship rather than simply trying to return to the way things were.

There can be a new relationship built on honesty, grace, and faithfulness.

The Answer to Our Unfaithfulness Is Jesus' Faithfulness

Ultimately, the gospel doesn't give us a higher standard and tell us to try harder. It gives us a faithful Savior.

Jesus doesn't love His church because His people have always been faithful. We haven't.

He doesn't keep His promises because we've always kept ours. We haven't.

Jesus is faithful because faithfulness is who He is.

When love is costly, Jesus remains faithful. When covenant costs Him everything, He goes all the way to the cross. He gives His life for people who have been anything but perfectly faithful to Him.

And that is the kind of faithfulness God wants to form in us.

Freedom Doesn't Mean Following Every Desire

This brings us back to the larger theme of Formed and Free.

God doesn't give the Seventh Commandment to draw a line and say, “Don't cross it.” He gives the commandment because He is forming us into people who know how to keep covenant with one another and with God.

We don't have to be mastered by every desire. We don't have to chase after everything we want. We don't have to believe every feeling deserves to become an action. We can keep our promises even when those promises become costly.

There is something better than getting everything we think we're owed.

There is the freedom of experiencing God's faithfulness.

Live From God's Faithfulness

The Seventh Commandment points us beyond our own ability to be faithful, it points us toward God.

God has always been faithful to us.

Because of Christ, we can live faithfully toward our spouses, our families, our friends, our churches, and our communities.

We can learn to channel our desires in healthy and faithful directions. We can resist the cultural message that says our desires should always win. We can choose covenant over convenience. We can choose faithfulness over feelings.

And we can live freely because we belong to a God who has always been faithful to us.

Choose Faithfulness

The Seventh Commandment is not just a warning against adultery.

It is an invitation to become a different kind of person.

A person who keeps promises.

A person who doesn't allow every desire to become a demand.

A person who sees others as people created in God's image.

A person who practices covenant faithfulness even when it becomes difficult.

A person who doesn't simply try harder to be faithful but learns to live from the faithfulness of Jesus.

Our culture may tell us that “You deserve this.”

The gospel tells us something better:, that you belong to a faithful God.

And because Jesus has been faithful to us, we can learn to be faithful too.

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